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June 16 - Colossians 3:17-4:1 - "Living for Jesus at Home and Work"

MPC 16^th June 2019.

Phil Campbell

During the week, knowing that I've taken the hospital pass today and I get to preach on one of the most dangerously unpopular passages in the whole bible, I've been scouting around for what people have been saying through the week about the issue of men and women.

So, after the awkwardness of the French Open women's tennis matches being shoved off centre court to make space for the men's; there's at least the good news that Ash Barty got exactly the same prize money as Rafa Nadal. 2.3 Million Euros. The first time in a Grand Slam that the men's and women's prize money was equal. (Even though the women play less games.)

At the same time, CFMEU boss John Setka was in the news for maybe or maybe not criticising Rosie Batty's domestic violence campaign because it's been unfair to men.

While in contrast very male but very considerate Chris Hemsworth said his new movie Men in Black should really have been called Men and Women in Black. Although maybe the subtext of the movie is that sometimes the best man for the job is a woman.

The point is, the war between men and women; it's always in the news. It's always bubbling in the background. Because times are changing. And in lots of ways, should be.

At our family reunion last weekend, an older cousin Tom was telling me about growing up on a dairy farm in the1940s. He said, milking the cows, that was always women's work. He said, "But I had to help. Until I turned 14. And then suddenly, I didn't have to."

To which I said, so does that mean in the 1940s, a fourteen year old boy was counted as worth more than a woman? So one woman is equal to a 13 year old boy? To which Tom said, I guess that was true.

Now there might have been more practical reasons than that. Like at 14 he had to do the heavier farm work. But it's a maybe a glimpse into the way the world used to think.

In an era where it literally took all day for the woman to wash the clothes and cook the dinner. While hubby went off to work. Then came home and put his feet up to read the newspaper. While he was treated like a king.

But for all kinds of reasons, technologically, culturally... we've moved on. You maybe look back fondly on the days when women were women and men were men and boys were boys and girls were girls. And everything seemed much less complex.

Maybe you think good riddance of those days. Specially if you lived through them as a woman!

So when we come to a passage like this one in Colossians that talks about men and women and attitudes to one another, for some of us there's a negative reaction and and assumption that we're being called as Christians to live out a kind of antique social construct; there are fears that are raised and there are all kinds of questions. There's an assumption of an underlying misogyny that's harsh and cruel straight out of The Handmaid's Tale.

And to be honest, there are verses here that have been used to justify that. On some of the edges of Christianity.

There was lots of media coverage a couple of years back on an ABC report from Julia Baird. That uncovered domestic abuse among church attendees.

Although the weird thing in the end was that deeper analysis of the statistics showed that while occasional church attendees had more violent marriages it turns out regular church attending men are 72% less likely to abuse their partners. And evangelical protestant husbands... loosely our group... are the least likely of all to be engaged in abusive behaviour.

Which is kind of good news. But sadly doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Just that it's less likely.

But the argument is, at least from Julia Baird, that the problem stems from passages like this one, from the misogynistic apostle Paul, validating the selfish behaviour of stupid men.

Which sadly. Sometimes I've seen.

So where do we stand when it's obvious, for better or for worse, culture has moved? Partly in recognising that things aren't always as simple as they once seemed. Partly in recognising that in systems like that, there were almost always victims. That what seemed benign to you, that a system that you look back on fondly; was maybe because the system privileged you. At the expense of somebody else.

Which is so often how things work. The reason you can buy such incredibly cheap clothes is there's some 9 year old kid working 14 hour days in a sweatshop above a market in Shanghai. Our convenience. At her expense.

The typical 1950s Australian husband, maybe? His convenience, at the expense of the little woman in the kitchen, in the garden, at the iron, in the milking shed. And then romantically. In the bedroom. Whenever he said.

Whatever you think Paul might be saying here to the Colossians, please consider that it's actually not that. But what I do want you to keep in mind this morning as we head into the difficult area of Christian household relationships, that as Paul spells things out, both men and women; in fact everyone, in whatever reciprocal relationships you'll find yourself in; that we're all in whatever our context, meant to be looking for ways to model our part of the relationship. On our own standing with Jesus.

And the fact that at every point in our relationship with Jesus, it's always about our convenience at his expense on the cross. And we're being called to pay that forward in the way we relate in every direction. Self sacrificial service. The other first. Whether it's in marriage or at work or in parenting or in traffic or in the way you queue for coffee.

If you're following Jesus, or to put it more strongly if you're putting on Christ as Jeremy described it last week, then other people are not here for you.

You're here for them.

People are not fundamentally here to be your audience, your cheer squad, your servants, your support system; you're here. To be theirs.

We're the ones, from last week, as God's chosen people, verse 12, who clothe ourselves with compassion and kindness and humility and gentleness and patience. We're to be the people who forgive. We're to be the people who wear love as an overcoat. We're the people, verse 17, who are doing everything in the name of the Lord Jesus giving thanks to the Father through him.

I think that's my longest sermon introduction ever. So let's get on with it.

As we come face to face with one of the least popular words in the English language. One of the least popular words in our cultural dictionary.

Which is right there in front of us in verse 18. I can hardly bear to put it on the screen. Submit.

That when you bring Christ likeness into the household, when you bring Christlikeness home... it's going to look different depending on whether you're the husband or the wife.

Which is where the trouble starts. Because these days, every relationship has got to be exactly symmetrical or it can't be equal. And so when we read in verse 18, "Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord," we just can't see how that's possibly end well.

Not only are we generally unwilling to submit ourselves to anything; the thought of a woman submitting herself to a husband doesn't sound smart. And it doesn't sound safe. So we want to make it go away.

Now I want to make a few quick observations about the actual words there.

Because notice first and foremost, it says submit yourselves. It's an act of volunteering; in a way that's profoundly different to saying, be subjected to; and in spite of what I've heard some husbands say to me, it's at no point a license for a husband to say, I've got to make my wife submit. Which is the kind of attitude from husbands that leads to all kinds of wrong.

It's completely volunteered. In way that's fitting because of her prior commitment to submitting to Jesus.

Husbands, verse 19, are to love their wives and not be harsh with them.

With the kind of agape love if you remember from our series earlier in the year is always other person centred and self sacrificial.

If you were in growth group through the week, we looked at the parallel passage in Paul's Ephesian letter that covers the same ground. He says to the husbands there,

Love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Which is a big ask. And makes it clear it's all about the husband taking costly self sacrificial initiatives. From which there's nothing to fear.

Though we agreed in our growth group on Wednesday that the problem is there are so many of us husbands, even well meaning husbands, who mess that up. And are either deadbeats or just plain dummies. I think slightly stronger words might have been used by someone in our group. Actually one of the guys.

So hard. For a wife to volunteer to submit to the leadership of a guy who keeps making dumb decisions. Or is constantly only ever thinking about himself.

Like friends of ours; he went out for a walk one afternoon and came home having bought a house for half a million dollars. Half a million dollars they didn't have. And expected her to just go along with it. Didn't go so well.

Men, traditional men, I wonder if the model here of loving your wife might actually mean taking her seriously enough to listen to her? To think things through with her? To take her view more seriously than the views of anyone else in your world. To realise that when in Genesis it says God made the woman to be Adam's helper, it wasn't so much to be his personal assistant, it's maybe because Adam needed a whole lot of help from someone smarter to stop him doing dumb stuff?

And it's actually her very gracious way of submitting every time she helps you like that without laughing you out of town? I know it's like that in our marriage.

Husbands, love your wives. And don't be harsh with them. a problem back then. A problem now. With so many headstrong, harsh, non-listening blokes who try to put a Christian veneer over the top of it.

Love her in a way that helps her grow to be more like Jesus. That helps her get to church on a Sunday, to not give up on her faith just because she feels like giving up sometimes.

Submission to a husband like that's going to be way easier. Bearing in mind though that in verse 18, it's not a submission so much that's fitting for your husband, but is fitting in the Lord?

I reckon submission to an imperfect husband, and that's the only kind you're going to find this side of heaven, it's going to mean looking for ways if you're a wife, to voluntarily let your not-so-smart husband lead you. Maybe looking for ways to say "how can I help you." Without ever adding "you dummy" on the end of it. Or even thinking it.

And to ultimately say, if it comes to the crunch, not my will but yours. Not because he's smarter than you or better than you or stronger than you, but because you're ultimately serving Jesus and it's fitting in the Lord.

And if he's not loving you, and listening to you, and giving himself for you; if he's being harsh with you; then that's ultimately a problem between him and the Lord Jesus who in verse 25 reminds anyone who thinks they've got the upper hand that there's a hand above that one. And that anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs. On the ultimate day of reckoning.

Now, I don't know if you think that's liveable as a model.

But the thing is, when it's does work. And when it's reciprocal like that, and when you don't just confuse it with the 1950s model of Australian marriage and you think a bit deeper than that; when you've got a model of a husband sacrificially giving himself for his wife and a wife submitting to a husband's servant leadership; which is always the New Testament model of leadership; when you see that happening. There's actually a beauty to it. That shows the world something about Jesus.

But I do need to say, if you didn't read these words in your growth group study guide, I do need to say that if you're a woman and you're living in fear of a husband who thinks it's his role to make you submit; if you're living in fear, if you're living in danger; you're part of a Christian family here that will stand with you against that. If you're not safe. Get safe. If you're afraid; if you're at risk of being hurt. Don't hesitate to call the police. And get safe. And then talk to Christian friends. Your growth group. An older woman or an elder or a pastor. About how we can try to help and support. We're not great at this stuff as a church. And we need to get better at it.

Seems to me. There's room in the 21st Century for a Christian model of loving husbands and submissive wives that allows for a real respect from a wife to a husband that you don't often see anywhere else. And a real servant love from a husband to a wife. That you don't often see anywhere else. That doesn't involve ignoring or demeaning or over-riding; that doesn't involve being a doormat or a victim or being constantly under the thumb. But listening and valuing and working together and drawing on one another's strengths. In a way that's full of compassion and kindness and humility both ways. Surrounded by forgiveness and love both ways. All the stuff from verse 12 and 13 and 14; packed into the marriage relationship of verse 18 and 19.

Onwards to the issue of kids and parents in verse 20 and 21. Because it's not just the stuff about wives and husbands that's 21st-century-contentious, is it?

Verse 20, kids, this time it's a different and stronger word.

Children; obey your parents in everything.

Which sounds like a pipe dream doesn't it, if you've ever had kids. It's hard.

Worse than that, what do you do with that if you've got an abusive dad maybe; or absent parents; who just sit you up in front of a TV; never have a meal with you; only shout at you. For lots of people that's family. So often far less than the ideal.

But here's a balance in verse 21, that paints a picture of what the ideal should be. Which is, fathers, but more generically parents; don't embitter your kids or they'll become discouraged. They'll literally lose motivation.

I haven't seen that movie Failure to Launch. But gee, you see lots of teenagers who fizz on the launch pad; somehow without the confidence, without the motivation; to face up to the world. These days it counts as a syndrome.

So Paul's saying it's up to parents, it's especially up to dads; not to be absent. Not to crush kids into submission with authority. But to kindle them into ignition; with encouragement.

Which in our non-ideal world doesn't always work out. So you might be a mum left trying to do that on your own. You might have had a dad that failed you in all kinds of ways. You might be a dad and you know you're failing in all kinds of ways. Or you might be mum or a dad and you've done a great job of it. And it's all gone pear shaped anyway, and just been painful and disappointing.

And it's actually not your fault.

Paul knows. It's not an ideal world. But he says, dads. Do your best not to make your kids bitter and discouraged. And Christian kids; you kids who are listening this morning; respond to your mum and dad with respectful obedience. Even if nobody else in your class at school is doing it. And nobody thinks it's cool.

Because the reason you're doing it, it's not that you've got such a good and encouraging dad or mum.

The reason for that is because it pleases the Lord. It's that you've got such a good and encouraging Jesus.

Look, time's running short. But I want to just highlight the fact that the key to the whole passage is that there's a pattern. Where every household relationship, every relationship at home and at work, the pattern is that part of growing in the gospel, part of growing more like Jesus; which is the key idea in our series; is that at every point Jesus is central to the way you figure out how you're going to act.

Look at slaves. See, Christianity sometimes gets a bad rap because the apostle Paul didn't single handedly stamp out slavery in the Roman empire. Look what he does instead. In what he says to Christian slaves and Christian masters.

He says to the slave, in the way you work, work as if you're doing it to serve Jesus. Verse 22, not just when your bosses eye is on you. But with sincerity of heart and reverence for the lord, not for human masters.

Because you've got a much bigger pay-day; you've got a much bigger promotion; up ahead. Work with all your heart as if you're doing it to serve Jesus. Since you know, verse 24, you'll receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It's the Lord Christ you're serving.

How's it going to change your Monday morning if you head into it with that in mind? How's it going to astonish your boss? How's it going to change your work habits? And your attitude? And your integrity? In the way you record your hours. The way you use them.

I know a lot of computer games, they've got a command build in called boss key. Control-B. That if you're goofing off at work playing fortnight or something and you see the boss walking over you hit Control-B and in a flash it brings up a screen from a spreadsheet so it looks like you're hard at work.

You reckon a boss mode key is going to fool Jesus?

Paul says, not only when their eye is on you to curry their favour. But as if you're working for the Lord Jesus. To please him in what you're doing. Which will mean, by the way, he's more interested in how fair the deal is than the profit margin. More interested in the long term consequences of a plan than the short term gains. More interested in the way what you're doing is serving people; than clocking up the hours or clocking up the dollars.

From tomorrow morning on, working as if you're working for Jesus. Is that going to make a difference?

And if you're a boss, providing your slaves with what's right and fair. Rather than what you can get away with. Because guess what. You've got a master in heaven as well, verse 25, who'll balance the books one day; and you won't get any favouritism.

So look, that's the pattern.

Wives: as is fitting for the Lord.

Children: this pleases the Lord

Slaves. With reverence for the Lord for it's the Lord Christ you are serving.

Masters: you also have a master in heaven.

Get the point? Where ever you live. Where ever you work. You're meant to take Jesus with you. In how you react. In how you respond. In how you love. In how much you care. In how you work. In how you'll even voluntarily submit; instead of asserting your rights. Because as you do that, you're actually being very much like Jesus. As it says back in verse 17.

Although it's hard sometimes, isn't it?

And our culture has changed a lot, hasn't it?

And sometimes men and sometimes bosses need to be stood up against, don't they? They really do.

And yet somehow. In the midst of that. Remember that our main goal is to always be more like Jesus. To be flipping the script on our culture of power. And rights.

So Paul says, good on you; when you're enduring injustice because of that. He says, remember Jesus... and do it in his name. Thankfully.

It's all living out verse 17. Where we started. Whatever you do. Where ever you do it. At home, at work. All the words you say, all the things you do. All for Jesus.

So whatever you do, whether in word or deed, whether as husband or wife, whether as parent or kid, whether as worker or boss, whatever you do... do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

That might be a dangerously unpopular idea. But if you do really want to grow it's the best idea of all.